Really Surreal...

I think that my desire to get a girlfriend is sapping way too much of my mental energies. I know many a love sick soul find themselves spending most of their day thinking about this person that they are secretly in love with. This is not the case with me though, for I have way too much nonsense to deal with on a daily basis at work to seriously give much thought to my love life, not that I have much of one in the first place that is. The girl of whom I have mentioned before I was intersted in? Apparently she may already be attached. Couldn't know for sure though, as I was stuck in the SAF after all. It was frankly quite devestating at first, since it has been quite sometime since I have felt so strongly for someone. In the end though, it was embaressingly easy for me to get over it. Guess I did not really invest as much of my mental and physical energies into this person of my desire as I imagine initially. Just a childish one-sided infaturation with a lady who thought of our relationship in terms of a platonic friendship I guess... and that would be the end of it.

This morning though, I woked up feeling utterly emotionally drained. Not that I had been crying my eyes out the previous night, since I rarely cry. It was this surreal and yet strangely compelling dream in which I manage to have an entire relationship with the lady mentioned before. Not that it was much of a relationship, or even a very interesting one to say the least, but it really felt real. Can't remember clearly much of the details, but it goes something like this:

It was at one of those gatherings of common friends, where people met simply to catch up with everyone else. Not intend raising anyone's suspicions that I am be interested in this particular lady, I simply interected with her what social ettiquete would deem appropriate when the matter of fact was that I was actually quite annoyed at dealing with anyone else but her. Pity me the coward with no courage to even hint at my affections and the fool with no intelligence to overcome this weakness. It was becoming another social occasion where nothing dramatic is expected or happens.

When I was about to resign myself this sad fact, something miraculous happens. The lady actually makes the first move to engage me in a more intimate conversation, and if I were to believe it, was actually openly flirting with me! The heavens must have taken pity at this miserable soul! All my subtle flirting with shy eye contacts and polite smiles may actually have worked! Before long a date was agreed upon, and I felt as if I was already in seventh heaven.

As luck would have it, she would be cooking for me on the first date. If that is not a sign of better things to come (if you catch my drift), I don't know what is.

In a flurry of activity however, somehow I ended up terribly late for what has to be one of the most important days in my life. The lady was visibly upset when she berated yours truely for being so ungentlemanly late... That was not that bad though, for she sooned turned diplomatic... As anyone with any knowledge of girls, is the beginning of the end of any potential relationship.

Within the twitch of my closed eyes, I was already back in my bed, without any tears to wash my sorrow, without the lady of my dreams.

This dream to me seem to be a reflection of how my relations with girls are: It starts with potential interest, the girl would hint at some interest for me, but in a blaze of activity it would end as if nothing ever having happened. Hopefully this dream does not ever repeat itself again in my real life...

Quote of the day

"Sometimes when you look back on a situation, you realize it wasn't all you thought it was. A beautiful girl walked into your life. You fell in love. Or did you? Maybe it was only a childish infatuation, or maybe just a brief moment of vanity."

-Henry Bromel, Northern Exposure, The Big Kiss, 1991