Friends Forever?

Having spend almost three months in Dieppe Barracks, I've finally learned of my fate for the rest of my NS life: I was to be posted to this Stagmont camp, of which I learned from my officer is popularly known as Slackmont camp, the slackest camp in Singapore. While doubtlessly I am happy to be posted to a slack job since my aspirations of being an officer was sent crashing into oblivion during BMT, it was not without a degree of apprehension since I'll be leaving a group of friends I have made during my three months in Dieppe, and now I'll need to start knowing a new group of friends.

While having more friends is a definitely a good thing, the idea that my older friendships may gradually fade away from my memory is quite saddening. It is not there we consciously forget the friends that we have made, but when you do not spend anymore time with them you tend to feel the friendship growing apart and dulled. The most some of us will do is simply to acknowledge their existance. Take for example some of my best friends in Primary School, Secondary School, JC and BMT have since taken a back seat to my immediate group of friends who surround me at the current moment.

Well the picture isn't as grim as I may sometimes think though, for I have many friendships of which I have reforged during my time in BMT, especially those friends from primary school of whom I have lost touch with. This I believe is largely due to the fact that these friends I have have shared many memorable moments together, so once we take the bold first step of recognising each other, you will not be at a lost to find a topic since you'll be able to relive your memories as well catch up with each others progress. On the other hand though, friends you have only spent superficial time with onw another, it may be a little harder to find common ground to start a prolonged conversation, though not impossible.

Another simpler solution to the this problem is to simply find more time with your friends. I must say that some of my closest friends have been from my JC and Secondary school of whom I constantly went out with to gossip and bitch about our lives. By spending time together, we are making a commitment to remaining friends instead of letting it fade away, as you would not want to spend time with people you no longer want to be friends with.

The simple truth is that a friendship is like a plant. The more you water and take care of it, the more it will continue to grow strong and blossom. However should you neglect it it may not die immediately, but will slowly wither away until nothing remains. That is unless you take the effort to replant the friendship or to salvage it. Therefore my advice is plain: spend not just quality time with your friends but quantity time as well, as quantity has a quality all of its own.

Quote of the day

"Nobody sees a flower - really - it is so small it takes time - we haven't time - and to see takes time, like to have a friend takes time."

- Georgia O'Keeffe (1887 - 1986)

Take me out to the ball game

As I live in Singapore, very few if any people watch baseball, and I am part of the very locals who even have an remote interest in America's national pasttime. How I got interested in this game is similar in many ways to how some people fall in love. During one school holiday in sec 4 when I was bored out of my wits, I do what any self-respecting couch potato will do: endlessly, pointlessly flipping through the channels. With nothing else better to watch though, I ended up on espn, since sports seem like a better alternative to cheesy soap operas. And then I ended up watching a baseball game. Like what a typical Singaporean will feel, I was bored out of my wits by what seemed like a very slow game (nothing beats cricket though).

This game however left me quite fascinated though, as I was especially intrigued by the idea of the pitcher and the batter going mano-a-mano against each other. Despite the fact that it is a team game, there is the chance for player to shine as an individual, yet at the same time without teamwork there is no way the team will be able win. This is true of many types of sports games, but it seems particularly true in baseball. Witness the baseball teams with superstar players but was never able to truly break out.

What got me interested was the 2001 World Series between the Arizona Diamondbacks and the New York Yankees. Everyone knows who the Yankees are, even though they don't have the slightest idea about baseball. The Yankees logo has become a cultural icon of sorts. So how intridued I was to see the D'backs beat the Yankees in what some called the greatest world series ever. There was late inning heroics, there was the eeriness of seeing the yankees come back in almost totally similar circumstances in back to back games, and the tremendous passion from the American fans who were still trying to recover from the shock of the September 11 attack. This lead me to study more about the game.

What I learned was that baseball is a game filled with so much history and passion that it seemed to have no equal. Though many would disagree with me, as many other sports have a rich tradition behind them, other games never really fire me up the way baseball does. Their fans can be such fanatics that almost every possible stat was compared and recorded in such meticulous fashion. It was also extremely interesting for me to see the lengths people will go to find totally useless but interesting facts from the stats. If only statistcs in school was this interesting.

Love cannot be easily expressed, and my words do not bear justice to the passion I have towards this game. I cannot say why I like it as much as I do, and I just hope I can keep on hearing this baseball song for the rest of my life:

" Take me out to the ball game,
Take me out with the crowd.
Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack,
I don't care if I never get back,
Let me root, root, root for the home team,
If they don't win it's a shame.
For it's one, two, three strikes, you're out,
At the old ball game."

Quote of the day

""No baseball fan has to explain his mania to any other baseball fan. They are a fraternity. It is less easy, often it is hopeless, to try to explain it to anyone else. You grow technical, and you do not make sense. You grow sentimental, and you are deemed soft in the head. How, the benighted outsider ask you with no little condescension, can you grow sentimental about a cold-blooded professional sport?"

- John K. Hutchens

In the name of God?

I'll be the first to admit that I am not the most religious of persons. I admit I do pray at temples and do all that befits a typical Straits Chinese Buddhist, especially when I have wish that I hope could be fulfilled with some divine intervention, such as doing well for my examinations. However, the teachings of various religions could not help but leave me scratching my head and wondering how such huge numbers of people can so unquestioningly believe in them.

For example, in my own religion, it was believed that we must offer fruits and other foods for the ghosts who have been allowed to wander the Human world during the seventh month of the lunar calender, especially to your departed loved ones. Some people do so in the hopes that their loved ones would not grow hungry when they come back among the living. While I think as a display of love even foe the departed, would it not have been better to treat the person better when the person was alive than when the person was dead? We would not even be sure if our loved ones are around to receive those offerings, since I have not yet seen any spirits. I am also sure that the loved ones would rather the living put their money to better use.

The above practice is not so bad since it is a display of filial piety and as a show remembrance for the deceased. However, the forbidding of certain religions to eat certain foods also left me thinking. I mean how would by not eating certain foods does one gain favour with one's god. Many people believe in different religions and how in one case the person is breaking a sacred rule and not in the other. If anything, I believe that rules like these only serve to divide people. From my experiences, the need to cater for everyone's religious makes it difficult for people to get along together.

The differences in religion has also brought about much bloodshed since people are intolerant of others' religions. Witness the crusades and the jihads wage in God's name. I can't help but wonder what God would want so much blood to be shed on their name. Most likely I believe the killing is done by people, and for that those people should be responsible for their foul deeds instead of using God as an excuse. All powerful God might be, but it should not be an all powerful excuse. Its the same as people using patriotism as the reason to conquer other countries... Witneess Napoleon.

That is not to say religion is all bad. After all, it is comforting to know something is looking over us and give us spiritual strength. It has been proven scientifically that we actually have a part of our brain that is looking for a religion to believe in. How else would explain why almost all cultures believe in one religion or another. Religious groups have also been at the forefront of charitable work, provding assistance to the needy.

I, though, believe that we do not need religion as a motivation for us to do good or have religious rules governing us such that we will behave in a certain respectable manner. As long as we know what we are doing and can ask our selves without doubt that we have not done anything wrong, however vague the concept of right and wrong might be. Since religion is as much a product of people as our own moral concepts, do we really need religion in order do guide us?

Yes, in many circumstances. What is right and wrong is too big a question for many of us to answer, and it seems that religion does provide socially acceptable answers, since it has been tested mostly through long periods of time. I shall humbly try to seek those answers though, since what I have learned of the various religions have not provide me with very satisfactory answers.

I do not know whether a God exist and by what name is God really called but I hope that should I meet him I can say, without any hesitation, that I truly have a clear conscious and have nothing to fear, though I may have made mistakes.

Quote of the day

"It is a fine thing to establish one's own religion in one's heart, not to be dependent on tradition and second-hand ideals. Life will seem to you, later, not a lesser, but a greater thing."

- D. H. Lawrence (1885 - 1930)

SAF - Serve And F*** off

The title, while crude, actually reflects what most NS men today are truly feeling about NAtional service, and of course, especially me. We all know that we can run but there is no way any of us Singaporean men can escape it. In fact, we have this newspaper cut out in the middle of the camp while tells of us a guy who escapes NS and ended seven years in detention barracks but still ended out serving his time in NS. Goes to show the lengths the Government will go to make sure all of us do our duty to our country.

The goal of NS though, to ensure our nation's sercurity and prosperity, is definitely admirable and worthwhile. The problem with this of course is that I wonder how truly effective our armed forces truly are. From my friends who have served with foreign professional troops, their actual devotion to their work makes them much more formidable soldiers than our average NS men who just plans to serve out his time so that the government will get off his back. Professional soldiers know what they are getting into, and are ready to put their heart and souls into their work.

That is not to day that our NS men are totally inept would be unfair. I am pretty sure that there are those out there who want to be all they can be by giving their all during their NS. However some of these people give their all, especially during BMT just want the prestige of getting into officer cadet school (OCS) and probably the monetary incentive that comes with it. If the person is really planning a career in the SAF or is truly devoted to his Singapore, then I say more power to them. Otherwise it just disgusts me the lengths some people will wayang (act) to get into OCS, and I think there are no better than those people who try to find the slackest role for wasting away their two years.

Watching the Army Experience today just serves to reinforce my view. We are constantly reminded that every role is important and all of us should take our job seriously, even the humble clerk and storeman. Stars also recall their fond memories of the army. I find some points quite questionable though. Everyone says they are proud to serve our country but from the people I see in the army daily everyone is just waiting for his ORD. The stars and old soldiers' fond memories I believe though are through rose tinted glasses, since our memories always seem better that it really is. And once you realise you can only be so much the truth hits doubly hard that you are stuck in that role, however important others tell you it is.

That is not to question the effectiveness of a citizen army, since America and Israel had won wars with this type of army. Perhaps I am wrong about the SAF. Perhaps it is the weariness of knowing my ORD is so far away. Most likely is my bitterness for not getting into OCS... sigh... : (

Quote of the day

"Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows."

- David T. Wolf (1943 - )

Touched but Never Embraced

Having talked about love, maybe I should share my brushes with love, since I have never what is considered a proper relationship before. I admit though I have been infaturated with many a pretty a girl before, there are many girls of which I thought I had a serious chance of developing a true relationship with.

There were girls which I have been interested in primary school, but I was probably too pre-occupied with my fascination with computer games to spend anytime in the courtship of a girl. However one particular which stood out in my memory. There was this girl from prefect camp whom I met when I was in Primary 5. She didn't seem particularly attractive then, but as she was in the same group I was in we got to interact quite a lot. Now that I think of it, she would most likely have turned out to be quite gorgeous and yet at the same time quite cute. The main thing though, was that we got on extremely well in what limited time that I have shared with her. She was bubbly, lively, honest and friendly from what I still remember. Alas, this relationship never developed beyond an aquaintance, since she was from a different school and I never bothered to get her home number. Blast! If only handphones had been more widespread then...

It was in the same camp though in which I noticed another girl who lives in Malaysia but studies in Singapore, just like me. That she was an overacheiver, being an outstanding student as well as her school's Head Prefect, also apppealed to me. Furthermore, she seemed to fit my image of my future girlfriend. As it turned out though, she became the object of my desire in secondary school, since she was in the same school bus and studies in my sister school, so I was able to look upon her everyday. That my schoolmate knew her from primary school and was willing to introduce her to me, further convinced me that the cupids were just lining us up in their sights.

However, if you have been in a single sex school before, you may be aware of how alien the opposite gender may appear. This was my case, and I was shy to a fault towards girls; I never picked up the courage to talk to her until upper secondary. My classmate who knew her was able to help me pass her a rose during Valentine's day and get me her number. I did call her, but the less said about the conversation the better. It was that embarassing.

However all was not lost, however, since she did not appear to reject me outright. As both of us were most likely caught up with our preparations for our "O"-level exams, nothing more came out of it until the end of the exams, in which I celebrated by going out with the rest of the guys to Marina Bay. Incredibly, she was doing the same too, but I was so overwhelmed with shyness that I pretend that I did not see her. It was only at the end when she was leaving did she actually took her own initiative to wave at me. Oh how I blushed! Boy, how the boys teased me no end for the rest of the night.

It was the closest we got though. When I went to Junior College and the whole new world of a mixed school opened up, she took a back sit to this new experiance. That I learned she had been interested if only I wasn't so shy didn't matter. A relationship has passed me by yet again. Romance was within my grasp and yet it slipped through my fingers.

Better luck for me in the future then... After all, I always believe hope springs eternal!

P.S: There were other experiences with girls I wish to share in the future, but for now I pray that through my experiences those lonely hearts out there may see how NOT to get a girlfriend.

Quote of the day

" Think about a woman. Doesn't know you're thinking about her. Doesn't care you're thinking about her. Makes you think about her even more."

-Martin Sage and Sybil Adelman, Northern Exposure, The Bumpy Road to Love, 1991

Love

As all of you are my fellow human beings, I think all of you can understand the desire, especially those that are single like me, to find a person of the opposite gender that we are emotionally and intimately attached to which you may wish to spend your life with. Not including members of your immediate family of course (I do not believe in incest, in case you are wondering). What I am talking about of course, is having a girlfriend (I am not gay or bisexual, just to keep it clear).

The more I look at my friends who are already attached, the more envious am I of their position. How wonderful it is to have a girlfriend who you know want to spend time with you, worry for you, talk to you, love you and for you to want to do all the same things for her. That in the future you may be able to start a family and grow old together. Oh how sweet and beautiful it would to be in love!

Despite all these romantic notions that I attached to being in love, I do realise that love is never as we envision it to be. So many of the couples I know have broken up so easily in less than a year that I seriously doubt whether being attached means being truly in love or just a match of convenience to deal with peer pressure or to satisfy one's ego. Perhaps I am too young to know what love really is, but I think neither do those who have claimed they have fallen in love at my age.

Then again, the fool is actually not them but me. How would I know what love is if I do not explore what it really is? I have always hoped that my first girlfriend would be my last and that we would marry and live happily ever after. The more that I think of it however, the more naive and ignorant I feel I am. Maybe my notion of love and relationships is unrealistic and thus severely narrows my own choice of a potential girlfriend since I am constantly for someone that would fit my view of an ideal soulmate. My dear softball captain and vice-captain were right after all: I should be in a relationship for the sake of being in one!

Juvenile it may sound, it is perhaps what has been the right way to learn what is true love all along. Generations of puppy lovers couldn't be THAT wrong after all. Sometimes the more we try to have a complicated explanation the more we find that the simpler explanations are better. Therefore now I have decided that I should have girlfriend, though she may or may not be the one I spend the rest of my life with. Being attached should be a litmus test of whether love truly exist, whether a couple is ready to go the extra mile. It is not just a stage in a permanent relationship, but a test of many in a fluid one.

The problem though still remains: How am I going to get a girlfriend!?

P.S: Any interested girls are welcome to find true love with me... : )

Quote of the day

"I believe love is primarily a choice and only sometimes a feeling. If you want to feel love, choose to love and be patient."

-Real Live Preacher, RealLivePreacher.com Weblog, December 16, 2002

The Moment

I was watching the Asian Cup game between Japan and Bahrain just the other day, and it was one heck of an exciting game, to say the least. The lead was constantly changing, and it took two extra times for Japan to pull of an epic victory. What really got me thinking was not so much the indomitable spirit of the Japanese but one moment where one Bahrain player was put in a position to equalize in front of an open goal and bring the game into penalties. Unfortunately, horror of horrors, he made what must most certainly was the miss of the tournament. From what could have made him the hero instead turned him to the villain of his countrymen, despite a decent tournament. He had failed to seize his moment of glory.

In life, many opportunities are presented to us for us to become the hero. Whether is it in war, in sports or in ordinary daily life, there comes a moment where by seizing it you become the hero. It can be as simple as the hero of your school team, or a hero that would live in the annals of history. However, life isn't fair. There are those with the ability to become heroes but never had the opportunity to do so, and there are those who had the opportunity to fail to seize it, just like the Bahrain player.

I have had my moment before, during my days as a softball player. In the first game of the season, I had a single and a triple and drove in five runs against Jurong Junior College. That the pitcher wasn't exactly overpowering didn't matter, and neither was the fact that was the only game that we would win during the rest of the season. What matter to me then was that for that moment I was the hero, the cheer of the team. I was never able to repeat the success I had that day.

Therefore I must ask all of you to seize the opportunity for you to distinguish yourself, that moment of time where everything falls into place for you to be successful. Life isn't always so charitable to give all of us the second chance.

Quote of the day

"The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us and we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone."

-George Eliott (1819 - 1880)

Temptations and Regrets

I'll be the first to admit that I have the best looking of bodies, for I walk the thin line between being overweight and just being acceptable. Being the desperado that I am, I obviously hope for a better looking body by losing some weight. Going through Basic Military Training (BMT) has given been a big boost towards that direction, thanks in no small part to some of the more sadistic instructors in Jaguar company. Though I hated them then, I bare no ill will towards them now for it is only through them that I had taken a major step towards a more healthy looking body. Alas, some of their efforts have gone to waste, since I begin indulging myself towards the end. Trust me, when you have gone through field camp, you can't help but gain a much better appreciation for the simple pleasure of decent food.

Now that I am in my unit as a Temporary Support Staff, more commonly known as Sai Kang Warrior (literally Shit Work warrior) in the army, my weight has begin creeping up the scales again. Having an incredibly Garang Medical Officer in charge of me has helped stem the flow, with his sick notions of physical training, but I am increasingly worried that I am too easily tempted by junk food. I guess everyone has succumbed before to the temptation of grabing a bite that snowballs all the way until you become bloated and then regret your actions. This is especially true in my case, since I will tell myself that I am just compensating myself for the tough training I am going through.

Having just ran ten kilometres today, I was feeling quite good about myself. I only had a reasonably light dinner, which should mean that I had a good day in my quest to shed the flabs. Then the chocolates appear before me in my fridge. Oh yes the chocolates. I thought I will have only one small packet of M & M's but ended consuming a whole lot of them. Now most of efforts earlier today have been for nought...

I guess we all have this instance where we know we are going to do something we are going to regret later but nevertheless carry on doing it anyway, unable to stop the inertia within us. It is so simple to succumb to temptation but so difficult to rectify your actions, leaving only nothing but regret in the end. Just like me today.

Quote of the day

"Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can't build on it; it's only for wallowing in."

- Katherine Mansfield

The First and Hopefully not the Last

Well, after much tinkering with the layout I have finally got to post my first entry! Now I am bubbling with enthusiasm at the thought of sharing my life and more importantly my views on the world and beyond. This is particularly exciting for me since there has never been a place for me to put my thoughts into words, and the ideas in my mind more often than not remain just that, only to be forgotten and gone to waste later.

This is a crucial point because when I am alone and have nothing better to do, I like to think. About anything and everything. To me it is exercise for my brain, to keep it alert since I am now stuck doing National Service, which almost all Singaporean males are aware kills brain cells faster than the nagging of their girlsfriends and wives. Not that I have a girlfriend to further burden myself with of course, though it is a burden I am most willing to bare. All interested members of the female gender are welcome to apply, although being young, pretty and cute would be a huge bonus. But I digress.

What this blog means to me is more than just a open diary for all to see. It is a haven for my ideas that I may forget in the future, but what I sincerely hope will touch you and perhaps inspire you to go out and do something about what I only care enough to write about.

Quote of the day

"This is my answer to the gap between ideas and action - I will write it out."

- Hortense Calisher